Скачать книгу - Greedy Bastards

A hilarious guide to dissing the dicks in your life.After years of meeting and putting up with crap people, a serious illness left Eileen Condon with plenty of time to ask herself why she ever put up with them. Her recovery was aided by countless hours spent in pubs with friend Amanda Edwards where they purged their bile about all the bullies, bitches and bastards that they have encountered.Bullies Bitches and Bastards is the result of their cathartic trawl through a rogues' gallery of crap boyfriends, girlfriends, bosses, family members, neighbours and work colleagues – people whose characteristics read like a thesaurus of cunning: sly, Machiavellian, gerrymandering, duplicitous, crafty, vulpine bastards.There's The Enormous Baby Boyfriend. He thinks you're his mummy. You have to cater to his every whim and pay him round-the-clock attention. Or he'll cry, throw a tantrum and vomit – all over you! Ta-da!Or, how about Beelzeboss? Marvel at the amount of energy they put into bitching and backstabbing. If they worked as hard at their actual job, they'd be Bill Gates. Particularly deft at wheedling out your Achilles heel and using it against you at every opportunity.Have you met Miss-Fortune Teller? She delights in your disasters. Don't be fooled by the sympathetic ear on the end of the phone, she's biting her knuckles with glee, barely able to contain her excitement at the good news that you're having such a bad time.Divided into a number of sections including partners, friends, bosses and colleagues this book will appeal to early mid-life, disaffected, disillusioned, burnt-out 30/40-somethings who have met these grotesques at some point in their lives. They, like the authors, want to see them pinned, slit open and dissected like a frog in a school lab.

With a sharp eye for the magnificently absurd, Rod Liddle sets light to modern-day Britain.‘One of Britain’s funniest, most daring columnists. If he weren’t so offensive you’d almost call him a national treasure’ Mail on Sunday‘I, and my generation, seem feckless and irresponsible, endlessly selfish, whining, avaricious, self-deluding, self-obsessed, spoiled and corrupt and ill.’What is it that has transformed the British who in living memory were admired for their unassuming, stiff-upper-lipped capacity for `muddling through' into the feckless,obese, self-deluding, avaricious and self-obsessed whingers we have become? Savagely funny and relentlessly contrary, yet with a poignant sense of all that we have lost, Rod Liddle mercilessly exposes the absurdity, cant and humbuggery of the way we live now.

Lyssa Payne loves being the centre of male attention.Rather than committing to a single lover, Lyssa has an arrangement that allows her to play with a whole host of characters…But the dynamics of Lyssa's relationships begin to change, when she meets enigmatic artist, Victor Alexander. Victor enforces a strictly no touch policy between them, a rule that’s a constant source of irritation for Lyssa.This annoyance is further exacerbated when Lyssa discovers that Victor has a gorgeous lover, Leif. Why should it be hands off for her, but hands on for actor, Leif?Lyssa devises a plan to seduce Victor, but despite her best efforts, Victor remains firmly off limits. And as her fascination with him deepens, and her feelings grow more intense, her other playmates slowly desert her.So what exactly is a greedy girl supposed to do to win the heart of the man she desires?Other titles in the Secret Diary series are:Confessions of a Kinky Wife by Justine ElyotConfessions of a Naughty Night Nurse by Lily HarlemConfessions of a Kinky Divorcee by Lana Fox

The doctrine of local food is dead. Farmers’ markets are merely a lifestyle choice for the affluent middle classes. And ‘organic’ has become little more than a marketing label that is way past its sell by date. That may be a little hard to swallow for the ethically-aware food shopper but it doesn’t make it any less true. And now the UK’s most outspoken and entertaining food writer is ready to explain why.This engaging, witty and honest narrative is driven by the appetite of one large man: Jay Rayner – someone who lives to eat, but also understands that there is a world beyond the high-end obsessions of the farmers’ market. Combining sharply-observed memoir – growing up with the UK’s most famous agony aunt who also happened to be a bloody good TV chef; witnessing the arrival of McDonald’s and Dayville’s ice cream in Seventies London; working as a butcher’s boy – with hard-nosed reportage, Jay Rayner will blow conventional foodie wisdom apart. For here is the reality: within a few decades we will have nine billion mouths to feed, and we won’t be doing that by flogging free-range eggs from a stall in Borough market.Jay explains why the doctrine of organic has been eclipsed by the need for sustainable intensification; and why the future lies in large-scale food production rather than the cottage industries that foodies often cheer for. From the the cornfields of Illinois to the killing lines of Yorkshire abattoirs, Rayner takes us on a journey that will change the way we shop, cook and eat forever. And give us a few belly laughs along the way.